I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
