i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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