just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
