the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
