3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
