i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
