What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
