I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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