Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
