i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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