Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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