My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
