my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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