why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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