hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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