so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
