He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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