Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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