I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i would punch a child for taco bell
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
