I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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