I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
