lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
