the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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