I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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