I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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