I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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