When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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