Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize