very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
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how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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