I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
