I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
