I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
