Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
