Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
