I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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