I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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