He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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