I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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