I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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