I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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