2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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