3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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