i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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