you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
