My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize