im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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