Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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