I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
