just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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