it hurts more in the daytime
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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