I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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