If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
