so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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