so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
