I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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