I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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