Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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