Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
