I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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