I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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