So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize