Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.