Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar