did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.