i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment