Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (1094) Bad night (4830)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"

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  (425): its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks" http://tfl.nu/ax74
  Replies (21) Good night (705) Bad night (4148)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.

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  (404): Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio. http://tfl.nu/i1ck
  Replies (8) Good night (2692) Bad night (1121)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i think girls just don't want to fuck you

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  (908): the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father (973): i think girls just don't want to fuck you http://tfl.nu/fr5s
  Replies (31) Good night (2177) Bad night (6106)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.

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  (608): It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/47ew
  Replies (10) Good night (3585) Bad night (1158)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

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  (814): Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh. http://tfl.nu/s2cz
  Replies (40) Good night (4390) Bad night (1276)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine

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  (443): like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine http://tfl.nu/b7i2
  Replies (2) Good night (2768) Bad night (775)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol

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  (910): can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol http://tfl.nu/846v
  Replies (5) Good night (2237) Bad night (1204)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.

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  (713): I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me. http://tfl.nu/0ubs
  Replies (10) Good night (3906) Bad night (1033)
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  (516): View more from New York

  1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.

  (516): View more from New York

  By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.

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  (516): 1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model. (516): By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method. http://tfl.nu/fz41
  Replies (28) Good night (2439) Bad night (814)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties

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  (203): i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies (1-203): you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties http://tfl.nu/44vj
  Replies (5) Good night (1436) Bad night (401)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.

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  (865): Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point. http://tfl.nu/q6x3
  Replies (1) Good night (501) Bad night (349)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.

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  (412): FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL. http://tfl.nu/yext
  Replies (3) Good night (482) Bad night (256)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

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  (706): To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid. (1-706): You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man. (706): Touche. http://tfl.nu/xj0m
  Replies (4) Good night (942) Bad night (376)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.

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  (785): THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED. http://tfl.nu/vewg
  Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (209)

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