I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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