a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize