I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
