tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Please, let me fuck your mom
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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