She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
