woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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