His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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