I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize